Life after Death

Often the phrase "Life after death" is associated with people who die. We all are brought up to beleive that when someone dies, thats because they have another life to live now. As kids, our elders feel we might get scared of the concept of death, and so come up with this tale, that when a family member dies, he goes to heaven, and from there he's given another life to live, and so he takes birth again and lives again. And so, right from the time we first come face to face with a family member's death, this concept runs in our head like a documentary. And most of us grow up blindly beleiving the same.
But, come to think of it, is it really true? Does really the one who dies, lives again? And even if they do, does that in any way relates to us.. the living associations of this dying person? Will he, in another so called given life of his, remember us from his previous one? I so dont think so.
Infact, its a recent realization that this whole concept itself is fake. This whole made up story is too fantastical to beleive, or accept in an age when you grow up enuf to realize what life and death is. If you step in my shoes, i'll tell you the exact opposite.
Life after death is not at all related to the one who dies. Its actually the brutal truth to live with for the people this dying person leaves behind! Who lives after death? Not the one who dies, but the ones left behind, alone, sad and broken. And apparently they don't have a choice, but to continue living, no matter howsoever difficult it may be.
I dont say the dying man had a choice and he picked death. But soemhow, he took the convenient way out, got rid of all pain and trouble and problems. All that was left behind were few sobbing eyes, some bills unpaid and one empty chair at the dining table. But does this matter? to the one who died? could he care now that he's already gone? I dunno..
All i know and live with now is the fact that someone very important is gone.. gone far enough to ever come back.. far enough to even hear us cry out for him.. far enough to even see us cry. And he's taken with him, chunks out of all of us he left behind.. big chunks from inside of us.. to make us feel incomplete all the time.. to make us feel empty inside somewhere always. He's created a void.. a gap.. an empty space.. a vacuum.. that can never be filled again. He has left us in sorrow, in guilt, in pain.. in vain!

Life's suddenly lost meaning, ambitions, faith and inspiration. He was needed for all of these. He was needed to keep up the good spirits, to lighten up tough times, to keep looking ahead, and to keep up the hopes. And now with him.. this is all gone. Sometimes, i dont understand what i'm doing.. or why for that matter. Life seems like just another pakao movie that i desperately want to get over.. just can't seem to be able to sit through the rest of it. If only i had the stop button in my hands, and no other audience to it, i would have turned it off.. but i cant. Cos if i did.. i'd be just like him.. leaving behind more sobbing eyes, more bills unpaid.. and yet another empty chair at the dining table! And having lived with this ugly reality myself, i wouldn't want to leave behind the same people, feeling the same pain all over again.
But this thought leaves me in further trouble. This means in order to avoid leaving behind loved ones, crying for you after you are gone forever, i have to get rid of them now.. while i live. And thats just so impossible. So no matter what and how i want things to be in life now, it just never is so. There's always a question mark, or a comma somewhere.. a pause, a break.. beyond which nothing is written yet, and so i can't move ahead.. can't read any further.. cos there is nothing there. I'm at an abrupt stop in life, an unexpected crossroad, where i don't know which direction i need to turn to. There's everything, yet there's nothing. Life has dissolved into nothingness, emptiness. Even my words have turned vague and oblivious. For once in my life, i'm writing and i don't know the heck what!
And just now my cell rang, flashing 'Papa' on it.. for a split second, my heart skipped a beat in joy.. until the next moment i realized i'm so wrong. Its just mom, cos only she uses his number now.. the number i never took his name off from! Even the cell phone's started playing .. with my feelings!
Life after death is the punishment, or perhaps the price you pay to let the dying man attain moksha! But its certainly not for him to go through!