Fear of death... bigger than death itself

I don't know about others, but i speak for myself right now. I live under a constant fear of losing loved ones. Ever since i grew up to understand the difference between life and death.. i've feared death. Surprisingly enough, not my own, but of those around me! Whenever i used to be away from my loved ones, and not be able to talk to them or see them for long, my mind started playing tortures. I used to always dread the worst possibility, like what if they met with an accident, or worse even, died. No matter how hard i tried, till date, i live under the same constant threat every moment of my life that i'm away from loved ones.
Its sad though, because, even when everything is all right, this fear of death, of losing a loved one, takes over me for a while, and thats the scariest part. I experience loss and grief over n over again. When someone we know actually dies, we accept this as fate, feel grief and sorrow for a while and then move on with life. After a few months, nobody remembers the ceremony, and the fear of losing that person again is gone with him. The threat is over. But if the person lives, so does the fear of his death, in the hearts of those who love him.
I loved my dad a lot, but was too shy to express. I never told him what he meant to me. I could never express how i live under this constant fear of losing him, whenever he used to go on tours. I used to get so mortifyingly upset with this feeling and the thoughts of how will i ever survive if i lost him. This fear took over so bad, that i even had a couple of dreams where i saw him dying. The mornings were dreadful. When i told mom about my dreams, she consoled me saying that if you see someone dying in dreams, they usually have a long life. It was a comforting knowledge, but hardly foolproof. And then he fell sick, really bad. There were constant visits to hospitals, loads of medication, and the fear was beyond expression. Since i lived away from home, just talking to him over the phone used to be a comfort that thank God he's ok, or more like, thank god he's still Alive!
One really big disadvantage of staying away from home, is that this fear is alwaya there in your head.. 24X7X365. The biggest fear is, if something bad really happened, you would never realize beforehand, that you are talking to the person for the last time. This is exactly what happened. I last spoke to my dad 5 days before he died, and i couldn't talk much, or anything relevant for that matter, since mom told me he's out of breath and i shouldn't talk for long. Who knew that was the last time i was to hear him! 2 days later mom called up and asked me to come over urgently.. he was critical. I rushed, but only in time to see him breathe few last times. He never opened his eyes, or saw me, he just passed away. The age old fear came alive, came true for me! What i dreaded my whole life actually happened, i screamed and screamed, but all in vain. He was gone, dead, finished.. just like that. As feared, i could not understand how i was to live without him. But the truth is, when reality strikes, it strikes so hard, that you learn to live the hard way. What fear of my dad's death couldn't teach me, his death in reality taught me. And the fear of losing him.. it died with him. It still feels unfair, but i can't fight over it.